lameborghini:

i called my friend daddy as a joke and he got a boner

(via c4lmness)

Notes
187763
Posted
2 hours ago

spamaohno:

bedhead game so strong you be wakin up lookin like an anime protagonist 

(via lord-of-sarcasm)

Notes
84310
Posted
2 hours ago

how do fourteen year olds get pregnant, I can’t even get a high five from a guy

(Source: aiiimeeee, via duckplant)

Notes
347108
Posted
2 hours ago
beesmygod:

who the fuck is talking shit about the xkit guy i will drive to your house and preform a colonoscopy on you with my boot

beesmygod:

who the fuck is talking shit about the xkit guy i will drive to your house and preform a colonoscopy on you with my boot

(via oprahkilledmydog)

Notes
51236
Posted
3 hours ago

lissettemoronta:

Be a selfish bitch.

Don’t feel bad for going after what you want. 

Do that shit on your own fucking terms.

Hold a middle finger up to anyone who puts you down.

Wear what you want.

Do what you want. 

Worry about yourself being good before anyone else.

Live life to the fucking fullest. 

You run you.

You paint your own damn masterpiece.

Never fucking forget that.

(via thebloogger)

Notes
90659
Posted
3 hours ago

brokenpencilsharpener:

I have these two neighbours and they’re married and they gotta be like in their late 30s and I’m making dinner and I look out the window and they’re running around outside in their pajamas and bare feet with water pistols soaking eachother and laughing so loud it made me realise I’m wasting so much time trying to make relationships perfect when all that’s really needed is someone who will laugh with me for the rest of my life

(Source: lost-and-so-not-found, via pigeonsaremyfriends)

Notes
309280
Posted
3 hours ago

knitmeapony:

egobus:

one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started  

Excellent parenting.

(via donteversay-goodbye)

Notes
46058
Posted
3 hours ago

Things I’ll teach my children (via ramengirl48)

(Source: infl4ted, via cummingcourtesy)

Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible.
Notes
102366
Posted
3 hours ago

kimpissible:

when your mom says no to mcdonalds

image

(via livinweird)

Notes
12629
Posted
3 hours ago
crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

(via bravocad0)

Notes
115395
Posted
3 hours ago

burgrs:

im so worried about tall boys….be safe…be careful up there… maybe u should come down here and kiss me

(via smile-sad-eyes)

Notes
348138
Posted
8 hours ago

jpgay:

I WANNA BE SOMEONES FAVORITE FRIEND OR FAVORITE PERSON OR SOMETHING LIKE HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE

(via release-thy-kracken)

Notes
542786
Posted
8 hours ago

tardis-mind-palace:

ruthyless:

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of vampires when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse the vampires and they would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

(via philiplott)

Notes
129135
Posted
9 hours ago

reblog if you want one of these in your askbox:

- A compliment
- A story
- Why you follow me
- If you met me what would you do
- A cute message
- One thing you want to tell me 
- One thing you want to know about me

(via emily-lovess-you)

Notes
727189
Posted
10 hours ago

sherokutakari:

"but women have sex organs on their chests! I don’t walk around with my pants off!"

I think what you mean to say is “women have secondary sex characteristics on their chests”, not sex organs

in which case let me remind you that your facial hair and enlarged adam’s apple are also secondary sex characteristics

if secondary sex characteristics bother you and you feel they should be covered up in public, please feel free to shove your entire head in a bag at any time

(via steve-sabrooklynbaby)

Notes
145966
Posted
10 hours ago
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